Parenting Isn't Taught - Good or Bad It's Passed Down from generation to generation.
Got defiant, obnoxious, argumentative kids who don’t pay attention?
Accept responsibility for ineffective parenting…FORGIVE YOURSELF FORGIVE YOUR CHILD
then move on. Learn effective parenting. Use it consistently.
Effective Parenting Begins With Infancy
By age 3 or 4 a child pretty much knows:
Whether or not they are loved
Trust or fear
Worthy or unworthy
Stupid or clever and much more.
Most of what a child believes early on is based on your early relationship with your child.
Guidelines For Parents -
Excerpt of Six Guidelines From The Total Makeover - 24 Tools To Transform
Your Child's Behavior and Attitude in Five Minutes a Day.
1. EXPECT COMPLIANCE! Do not be defensive.
That means do not yell or argue with your child:
You are the parent – your instructions do not need to be justified or explained.
It is your house, you pay the bills and you set the house rules…end of story!
2. Come From a Place of Love But ACT UNEMOTIONALLY
Tough love works – emotionality doesn’t work.
This is the difference between Responsible love and Unconditional love.
Loving your child does NOT mean giving in to your child’s requests or demands.
Loving your child does not mean showering your child with presents (bribes for good behavior)
Loving your child does NOT mean allowing your emotions to change your decisions.
3. All Behavior Has a Purpose
Always seek to identify the hidden purpose of “inappropriate” behavior. Do the same for “good” behavior.
Help your child identify an alternative means of achieving his purpose…whatever it may be.
Like: getting attention, not being bored, feeling in control, releasing stress…
4. Be Consistent!
Each child is different. One child may take responsibility for his actions. Reward this child.
Another child (even an older child) may refuse to take responsibility.
Consistently enforce the rules of behavior…accept no excuses like
“but, that’s not fair, my sister gets to stay up longer than I do and I’m older!!!!”
5. FAIRNESS- Fuhgeddaboutit!!
It's not uncommon to hear your child complain that something you tell them isn’t fair.
It could be anything like doing chores, homework, the granting of privileges, a consequence or loss.
Stop playing the fairness game.
Stop the arguing- Fairness is not an issue to discuss with a child.
Face it, your child’s idea of what is fair and what is not fair is distorted based on his child-mind frame of reference.
6. Model Good Behavior
Don’t want your child to yell?…
THEN STOP YELLING AT HER!
Instead, speak firmly, confidently and in a matter of fact tone of voice
Don’t want your child to lie? Then be brutally honest with your child.
Children Do Not Respect Hypocritical Parents.
For the complete recording of these 24 tools and guidelines for effective
parenting visit http://www.TransformKidsNow.com
About The Author
David Davies is a Behavioral Health Professional who has worked with
children and adults with behavior issues since he was 21. At age 25
Dave was a Probation and Corrections Officer leading inmate fire
fighting crews to fight forest fires in California. The safety of
himself and his crew depended on his ability to establish good
discipline.
Recently, Dave wrote and recorded The
Total Makeover Parenting System. Dave teaches parents
"professional strength" parenting tools and strategies.
© 2008 David Davies. This article may be reprinted
with permission of the author when published intact including the
About the author info.
